I really hate it

sometimes I just hate myself and my stupid shell… or is this a shell and I’m just reverting back to my true self time to time?

I don’t know

and I don’t know what’s normal

What am I really like? I hate those quizzes that make you describe yourself and your strengths, because it just make me realise that I don’t even know myself.

Are these all shells…and in the end I’m just hollow?

You really make me think that my mistakes define me.

Do my attempts to fix things go by invisibly? If thats the case I really dont know if I should continue, after all what am I doing this for? Who is there to judge that behind this screen there isn’t someone who is more broken than you?

‘Idk’ has over writtten ‘omg’ and ‘wtf’ in my list of most used acronyms.

Every time I feel like shit I feel like I become a heavier burden

I can’t even be of help to anyone

Why would they want to reach out to help me

I feel like I my mind has a cyclic trend where I hit overwhelming stress and motivation levels that I can’t even take and gives me breakdowns every month.

those feelings

those memories

those heartbreaks

you can delude them into existence, and delude into a nightmare.

Year 12 English is the death of me…. word counting my essay every 5 minutes to see how close I am to the minimum requirement…

And you’re just not there to support me

It allows your mind to roam free, to think about everything…

You could have a great storm of thoughts and appreciate small things and see the beauty around you

And if you suddenly make a wrong turn,

You start thinking about bad things and the sides of yourself that aren’t good enough, the flaws in every relationship you have with others, and that endless abyss of possibilities after ‘what if’

Have you ever liked someone so much that you don’t know what to do with yourself anymore?

I don’t care if everything will become just a part of your pasts that you keep in the back of your minds, almost forgotten.

I’ll still remember these small but significant things that make me who I am today.